December 21, 2015

Jordan's 12 Days of Blogmas- How To Survive a Family Party

Seasons greetings, my beautiful silver bells! I hope you are all enjoying your December!

The holiday season is party season. With holiday parties comes family. With family comes a few strange relatives. You might have a creepy uncle, a snooty aunt, a judgmental grandmother, or some weird cousins. Most likely if you have this kind of family, you will only be attending said Christmas festivities for the food. Yet still, every good thing comes with a price!

When it comes time for the dreaded interaction with your weird or nosy family members, you most likely want to get out of the conversations as soon as possible. Today, I am going to show you exactly how to do that.


Say Your 'Hello's A.S.A.P.
I guarantee that 90% of you are not closely associated with every one of your relatives, especially if there's a lot of them. By saying hello to everyone upon arrival, you're able to make a mad dash for the snack table, stock up on sweets (for a future step), and avoid that awkward, mid-party tension between you and your great aunt who happens to be sitting on the other side of the living room wondering why you haven't said 'hi' to her yet. Just get it out of the way.

Do Not Make Eye Contact
I repeat, do not make eye contact! Everyone knows that when you make eye contact with a person, you then need to have a conversation with said person.

Stuff Your Mouth
If you are courageous enough to stay near the social hub of the house, always act like you're busy. If you're eating food or walking around like you're on a mission, people will most likely not bother you.

Find a Quiet Room
If you're somewhere where people won't find you, there will be no chance of unwanted interactions! Find a secluded area to hide away, whether that's hiding in the shower or sneaking away to someone's bedroom. This step is also great for people with anxiety or people who aren't uncomfortable around their relatives.

If, God forbid the steps above do not work, you must know how to sufficiently interact with your relatives. They will most likely ask you a series of uncomfortable or boring questions about your school/work/love life, and you must find a way to give them what they want to hear while restraining from sounding like a rude jag-bag. Luckily, I'm here to tell you just how to do that!

Q & As

How's School Going/How Are Your Grades?

Always answer with 'Good', or some variation of the word. Regardless if you are failing Chemistry or not, you need to lie your little butt off and pretend like you're having the time of your life. By answering with a simple, positive word, you are able to eliminate several possible questions that they potentially had lined up.

What Do You Do for a Living?

If you actually have a job, this is easy to answer. If you do not have a job, you can answer with something like, "I've been doing a couple of odd jobs here and there; (insert list of made-up jobs). I found them all to be quite mundane for me, so I'm looking for something a little more 'up my street'". By giving them an explanation along with the answer, they have no need to ask more questions. More time for snacking!

Have You Got a 'Special Someone'?

If you do have a special someone, this question is easy to answer. However, if you are slightly older and are as lonely as a wolf, it can be quite embarrassing to admit you're still single. If this is the case, you have two options.

The more drastic option - and one I do not recommend - is to make up your own significant other. This is a bad idea for a number of reasons, but it'll allow you to create your perfect man/woman and make you look super cool for getting such a catch. If they ask where he/she is, you can claim that they're working or their flight is delayed and they can't make it home for Christmas. Of course, you'd have to be a great liar to pull this off.

The second option is to answer with something along the lines of, "No, I'm taking a little break from the dating scene. I need some time to focus on myself (and do what I love/figure out what I want) before committing to anything.". By answering with something like this, you are giving your relative the answer they've been looking for without them having to ask for it. Again, this will save you valuable time that could go towards SNACKS!

Those are a few of my tips on how to survive a family party. If you have any other tips, leave them in the comments section below so we can help each other out!

I love you all, and I hope you make it through your festive family gathering! Tune in on the 23rd where I teach you how to pretend you like your presents!

See you then!
Jordan x

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